Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Pass or Fail

Today my students took their final exam.  As they approached the front of the classroom, test in hand, I remember being in their shoes.  I reflected back upon my days as a student nurse completing my exam and hoping that I had prepared enough.  Questions flooded my mind...
"Did I spend enough time studying?  
Could I have done more?  Did I focus on what was important?  Will I be successful?"
The hours that followed were so treacherous as we all waited impatiently for the results - Pass or Fail.  What would our future hold? 

It's not so different now, my days as a mother of a special-needs child.  At the end of the day as I sit here watching her sleep, I ask myself  "Have I done enough? Could I have done more?  Did I focus on the important areas?  Will she one day be successful?"

I didn't know the answers to these questions back then, and I sure don't know the answers now.  I am waiting impatiently to find out.  Although, I do wish time could stand still to give her time to catch up to her peers.  Maybe this would give her a fighting chance.  Maybe I'm wasting time wishing.  My mind is weary with these and other unanswered questions.  

As an academic advisor to my current students, I try to take my own advice:  Do your best, let your passion guide you, and focus on a successful future.  Everyday is a gift and an opportunity to learn.  

Reminiscing back on my college years, I wasn't the perfect student.  I made as many mistakes as memories.  In the present day, I am not a perfect instructor nor am I a perfect parent. I can only strive to improve and learn from my mistakes.  'Perfection' tends to be an unrealistic expectation and can lead to disappointment.  'Progress' is the word I prefer to use because it is a more attainable goal.  I have seen progress with Olivia and that is what sustains our efforts and drives us to reach further.  We aim to attain goals which may be just out of arms reach or a million miles away.   Either way, our sights are set on a better and brighter future for our daughter.  

Keeping these things in mind, I can not fail.  Better yet, I will not fail my sweet Olivia.  Will I be successful?  What will her future hold? 
                   ...only time will tell.  

     Have a peaceful sleep my sweet girl.

-our adventure continues 
Olivia's mom